How to Validate Yourself - 6 Ways to Increase Internal Validation
Oftentimes when we think of having a support system in our business & life, we think of the other people that can provide that for us.
A team, a coach, friends, family, or a partner.
It is super important to have those people in our lives, but one of the most important people that we need to have within our support system is actually ourselves.
In this blog I cover:
The Challenges That Come From External Validation
Are you included in your support system?
When you think to yourself, "who are the people in my support system?"
Are you included?
I ask because I see this pattern of people exclusively seeking external validation.
And yes, seeking external validation & support is a natural occurrence as a human being.
We desire to feel connected to others, to be accepted by others, to be loved by others, & to be supported by others.
We naturally seek community, which is a beautiful thing.
But what can happen is we get so far away from:
- Learning to self soothe,
- To see ourselves, &
- To support ourselves,
that it can cause a lot of disharmony within our reality & how we show up in the world.
Learning to truly see yourself will change your life & how you show up in your business.
If you feel like others aren't seeing you, it’s a pretty strong indication that you aren't seeing yourself.
It’s important to know that receiving support from others is a beautiful thing, but it’s only one piece of the pie.
So let’s dive into how you can become an integral part of your support system
6 Ways To Validate Yourself
1. Before seeking external validation, pause.
Ask yourself “What am I hoping this person will tell me?”
Say whatever you’re hoping they are going to say, to yourself.
Give yourself the praise, advice, encouragement, or straightforward reflection that you’re hoping someone else will provide you.
It’s important to remember that seeing yourself is what matters, & if you’re feeling like people don’t “see you” or “get you,” it’s an opportunity to look within & see where perhaps you’re not seeing yourself.
When you learn to actually see yourself:
- You’ll be able to discern between your truth or someone else’s truth when in conversations with others.
- You’ll be able to truly feel the praise that others give you.
- You’ll be able to truly allow in the compliments, encouragement, & support that you are desiring instead of pushing it away or feeling unworthy of it.
This is also how we start to develop self-trust and begin to tap into our intuition.
2. Check in with yourself to see what needs you have that are desiring to be met in the present
Ask yourself “What do I need right now?”
What does your body need?
What does your mind need?
What does your soul need?
What can you do right now to regulate your nervous system, nourish yourself, & stabilize your thoughts & feelings?
Asking yourself, “What do I need right now?” is opening up the dialogue between your needs and the way that you can meet those, by the actions that you decide to take.
Maybe you’ve been working for a few hours, and what you need is to take a break, eat some food & drink some water.
Maybe you’ve been scrolling social media, and the need you want to be met is connection. So where can you seek connection that goes beyond scrolling mindlessly on your phone?
Whatever it is, it’s so important to check in with yourself multiple times a day.
3. Notice when you’re judging how you’re feeling & say to yourself “It’s safe to feel my feelings”
Remember that emotions are energy in motion. These feelings don’t need to mean anything about who you are.
It’s very important to bring awareness to how you’re feeling, & to accept those feelings before you go on to shift your state of being.
Self-acknowledgment is so important.
When you acknowledge yourself, you’re able to work through whatever you’re experiencing with more compassion, awareness, & grace rather than having judgement, shame, or guilt towards your experience.
This also helps you be able to seek out assistance if you’re needing help from a place of self-love, knowing that you are loveable even in the moments that you’re having a challenging time.
We can learn to stop identifying with the feelings that we have and look at them as experiences.
Validate the experience that you’re having without identifying with the experience, by allowing yourself to see your experience through a different lens.
Your experiences don’t mean anything about you.
4. Allow yourself to have an open dialogue with your inner child, & parent that part of you from a place of love & compassion
Ask your inner child “What do you need right now?” & then listen to what comes through.
Have that dialogue of "what do you need now," just like point 2.
A lot of people didn’t receive the type of love, & support they needed when they were children in various situations.
How you learned to get your needs met as a child is exactly how you’re trying to get your needs met as an adult in your business.
When you notice this happening, take a moment to pause & thank your little one for doing what they’ve known best to keep you safe all these years.
One of the worst things you can do is start to tell yourself: “You shouldn’t be acting this way,” or “you should be doing this.”
Avoid taking on the “drill sergeant” role with your inner child.
Let them know that they’re safe & that you’ve got them.
Allow them to feel seen, heard, & felt without continuing to be in the driver's seat of your life & business.
It’s about awareness, it’s about acceptance, and it’s about allowing yourself to understand that your human experience is very nuanced.
5. Create a daily practice of self-acknowledgment
Ask yourself daily “What am I celebrating about myself today?”
This act of creating space for a few moments every day of self-acknowledgement can create radical transformation in the long term.
This can be something that you do:
- in a journal practice,
- in conversation with a friend or a partner, or
- something you do by yourself either verbally or internally.
When you create space to give yourself this kind of praise & evoke gratitude towards yourself, you are rewiring your mind & body for self-validation which becomes a habit that you naturally turn to as a way to truly see yourself in all of your brilliance.
When we start to acknowledge ourselves daily, it starts to become a natural occurrence.
It takes practice, and it requires a shift on an identity level to create this as a lasting habit.
The repetition of this self-acknowledgement is a powerful foundational habit.
Find a place to fit this practice into your life, stack it on activities and habits that you’ve already established.
Do it while you’re showering, or while you get ready, or as soon as you open your eyes in the morning.
This is life-changing!
And remember that you can even celebrate the smallest of wins.
6. Forgive yourself
Ask yourself “What am I still holding onto that I need to forgive within myself?” & see what comes up.
Gently notice, from the lens of curiosity and compassion, where you’re still holding onto shame, guilt, anger, or frustration around your past.
What part of you needs to feel seen & loved in these experiences?
Is it possible for you to see all that has happened as a learning experience & an integral part of your journey to be where you are now?
When we hold onto resentment from the past, the situations that have happened can replay in our mind like we’re watching a video on replay over & over again which continues to evoke emotions in the body as if what happened is happening right now in the present.
All of which keeps you in a loop of feeling & thinking in the same ways which then leads to the illusion of being “stuck”.
Is it possible for you to see yourself & what you experienced from a place of compassion & love?
Remember that you’re always doing the best you can & as a human being, mistakes are inevitable, but how we choose to show up for ourselves afterwards is so important.
Validating yourself through forgiveness invites in true self-love for all that you are, even in the moments you’re least proud of.
You are always worthy of love & forgiveness.
Notice what part of you needs that extra love, today.
What part of you can you forgive today?
The more you forgive yourself, the more you invite in that love…
The more you will see the dollars in your bank account increase.
The more you will see soulmate clients flood into your inbox.
The more you will feel nourished in life.
Allow this post to be a mirror for you at this moment in time.
Just know that you get to be a part of your support system.
Allow yourself to validate yourself.
How are you going to love yourself today?
How can you see yourself today?
If you loved the topic of this post, be sure to listen to the full, unedited podcast episode of The Embodied Leadership Podcast at the links at the top of the page.
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